Living a life of discipline and obedience is hard. Waking up anew each day and deciding to lay it all down in sacrifice and surrender to pick up a purpose greater than temporal preferences is hard. Some days are easier than others; Some days are harder. The past few days in particular have been in the harder category for me. I seem to feel resistance with every step. After a full day of preparation and a late evening of serving Saturday, I woke up early Sunday morning dead tired with eyes that nearly had to be pried open. It was that kind of exhaustion where you almost find yourself confused why your alarm clock is screaming at you. Yet, somehow in my tired stupor, I found myself uttering the words aloud, “I love You, Lord. I love You, Lord” as I forced myself to pull the covers back and swing my feet to the floor. As my exhaustion was begging me to find any excuse to stay in bed and sleep, my conviction kicked in– my “why” kicked in.
I was remarkably exhausted and so badly wanted to say a big, fat, disobedient “NO” to all of my responsibilities that morning and day. I didn’t want to show up to church and run a full department and interact with my team and teach children and build the House. I was so tired that I felt like crying– like throwing a full-fledged adult temper tantrum. (Oh, come on, you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about!) Flesh wants to take over sometimes. Flesh being that inherent sin nature and temptation to fall into temporary feelings and desires over purpose-driven, faith-filled steps of devotion and obedience to a God-call. There’s a wild difference between living according to your flesh and according to the Spirit inside of you. (Go and read about the difference between living in the flesh and living in the Spirit in Romans 8:4-13). Yes, sometimes it is spiritual warfare that rears its ugly head and tries to keep you from the most beautiful moments of breakthrough that tend to come just after showing up in spite of all opposition, but sometimes, IT’S JUST FLESH. Sinful, lazy, complacent, wordly flesh.
I’m certain, however, that it pleases God when we push through the yuck of our flesh to embrace the obedience and discipline of offering a sacrifice of praise. Sometimes praise feels like sacrifice, and that’s okay. It doesn’t always, but when the flesh (again, those worldly feelings/reactions/desires) is competing for your gaze and taunts you to fall into idleness and complacency, letting your feet hit the ground and proclaiming out loud, “I love You, Lord” is a sacrifice of praise, a shout of defiance. Showing up in spite of it all is a sacrifice of praise. An— “I really don’t want to do this today, God, but I really love You, and that’s why I’m getting out of bed and going.” An— “I so badly want to crawl back in bed to sleep the day away and sink deeply into my preferences, God, but I’m getting up and defying my preferences because I love You. I love You so much, Lord, that I will obediently rise. I will obediently serve. I will obediently go. I will obediently step to what You’ve asked of me. I will obediently forgive, take the growing path over the easy one, sow seed after seed after seed without getting impatiently eager for a return, serve all day long and then get up and go again. I love You so much, Lord, that I will lay down the temporal— I will stand in the inconveniences and embrace what seems like sacrifice to honor You.” Romans 12:1 says, “Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.” Offering our time, talent, treasure, and whole selves in sacrifice to God’s plans and ways is worship. It’s letting our fleeting preferences bow to Him. It’s saying aloud, “Your way over mine, God.”
My life bows to Him.
It hasn’t always been this way. I used to wake up some days and not feel like doing life. I would let fleshly desire and preference engulf me and lull me into comfort. Sometimes I would cling to any excuse and not show up for things that I was supposed to. Those days I seriously missed what God had for me because I chose not to rise. I chose flesh. I won’t lie and say those days aren’t tempting still, but knowing how much God did for me and how much is on the other side of faithful obedience trumps the temptation. The other side of leaning in and defying momentary feelings is worth everything.
There have been mornings in the past where I woke up and actually verbally groaned in anguish that my alarm clock seemed to come so soon. The funny thing about having the Spirit of the Living God in you, however, is that the more you align yourself with His ways— you feel conviction drop in a moment as He continues to transform you into His likeness. When you know Him and love Him, He simply won’t let you stay the same. He incites growth with every step. The days I would catch myself letting out a whine of disapproval first thing in the morning began to hurt my heart. Conviction would abruptly set in. I’d immediately follow the groan of displeasure with an earnest, “I’m so sorry, Lord.” If you think that’s silly or extreme, I’d like to challenge you that it isn’t. I know it’s such a tiny example, but the little things can be deafening. There is a passage in Ephesians 4 that speaks about the many ways we can grieve the Holy Spirit living inside of us. After learning this, I’ve become so aware of the moments in my day that could grieve him– this immediate groan of dissatisfaction on a brand-new-gifted-day being one of them. Ephesians 4:30 in the NIV reads, “And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.”
I particularly love The Passion Translation’s version of Ephesians 4:30, “The Holy Spirit of God has sealed you in Jesus Christ until you experience your full salvation. So never grieve the Spirit of God or take for granted his holy influence in your life. Lay aside bitter words, temper tantrums, revenge, profanity, and insults.” Temper tantrums- HA!! A groan first thing in the morning is a temper tantrum– one that grieves the Holy Spirit. Also, the addition of “or take for granted his holy influence in your life” is everything. I apologize to Him because I know He has awoken me to a brand new day of life– a life that is temporary, or ephemeral as we would say in the dance world; It doesn’t last– it is fleeting. How dare I wake up uttering a groan of dissatisfaction when my Father has given me another day to outwork His purpose over my life– when I get another day to experience His goodness and faithfulness— another day I get to fall more in love with Him. It is also an opportunity to wake up and cling to Him– lean on Him– depend on Him– an opportunity to say “yes” to His holy influence.
Thankfully, the more you apply something in your life and go to God on it, the more transformation you will see. I’ll wake up now, and the first thing on my lips will be something to my Father– Sunday morning being a prime example. On a day I so badly didn’t want to show up– a day I so badly wanted to crawl under a rock and ignore the entire world, I proclaimed “I love you Lord;” I got out of bed with His strength, and I showed up to something that requires all of me. God wants all of us. Even on our bad days– on the days our flesh is vying for our attention, He wants our whole selves, our whole serve, our whole surrender.
Living a life of obedience and discipline and defying the flesh transcends far more than getting up to obediently serve and step to a God-calling. It’s living such a disciplined, obedient life that you regularly and routinely take care of your body by working out and eating well. It’s being disciplined enough to budget, care for your home, and have excellent time-management. What is authentically present in one area of your life CAN AND WILL seep into every other area of your life if only you’d allow God in. It is only then that it noticeably becomes a value you live by. You can’t pick and choose. A topic for another time, but God has done a mad work in my life in the area of discipline and obedience as it pertains to caring for my body! When He takes a hold of you to learn something, He will help you learn it in every area of your life. I’ve found that practicing discipline and obedience in the seemingly small things makes way for it in the BIG THINGS– the life-calling things. It makes a way for a defiant “YES” in the face of the temporary to embrace what will impact the eternal.
God has my “yes.”
I’ve resolved that He has my “yes” until He takes me home, but just because we say “yes” and hold a willing spirit doesn’t mean we are void of flesh or trouble or discouragement or anything that can fight for our attention. The Bible actually promises we will endure trouble and hardship in this life, but that Jesus has triumphed over it all (John 16:33). His triumph brings authority to our “yes.” His triumph attracts and encourages our “yes,” and to say it even another way, Jesus’ triumph on the cross paved the way for our “yes.” It’s a daily “yes” for this reason and when practiced enough in small ways, it yields the kind that brings eternal influence. I don’t know about you, but that’s the kind of “yes” I want to have. My “yes” is connected to my “why,” and my “why” is that I love Him.
In our imperfection and humanity, we will face tougher days. We will face days where discipline and obedience seems harder than usual. We have to hold grace for ourselves as we cling to Him. He sees the intention and motives of the heart. On days that feel tougher for me, I often get irritated. Irritated because I can feel the tension of what my Spirit knows to be true and what my flesh wants to be true. The more that I grow in God, though, the quicker I’m able to step over what is momentary and step to what honors and bows in reverence to Him. My conviction levels rise on days that feel tougher– on days where each step and each act feels like I’m fighting through tension to get there because I care so deeply about honoring and bowing in reverence to Him. I think God does something extra in us on those days, though. He highlights to us that, in reliance on Him, we can lean into far more than we think. He highlights to us just how deep and wide He has grown our conviction and just how real our faithfulness and obedience is to Him. On days like my Sunday, leaning in allows me to get to the end of the day, and at least be able to say, “God, I gave this day my all out of love for You. I gave this everything I had and clung to You all the way through it.” To cling to Him in tough moments is far better than sitting in your preferences and comfort without Him.
If you find yourself in a journey of leaning into a life of discipline and obedience, and let’s face it, we will all be learning this in greater ways for an eternity, ask Him to help you in it! Seek God in the areas of your life You need His holy influence. One of my favorite verses in the Psalms in The Passion Translation is Psalm 51:12, where it says, “Let my passion for life be restored, tasting joy in every breakthrough you bring to me. Hold me close to you with a willing spirit that obeys whatever you say.” I pray this so often. “Lord, please give me a willing spirit that jumps at ways to obey You. A disciplined spirit that will never stop showing up surrendered at Your feet.” Let God mold in you an obedient, disciplined, willing spirit that steps over flesh and brings Him glory.
There is a wild amount of beauty on the other side of defying the temporary for His eternal.
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