weighty words & obedient release

Can we talk a moment about the learning curve of navigating relationships in the church and how we often let the words of others hold too much weight in the process?

Yes, you were given wise counsel, but you have a wiser God to whom all other counsel bows.

I want to tell you a bit of a messy and awkward life-lesson I learned in this realm and how it has impacted the words I let slip from my mouth to those around me. I don’t think we talk about these messy lessons enough. It is a lesson that has made me vigilant of the confirmation or affirmation I will speak out of my own human opinion. It is a lesson that has made me hyper-aware of the need to truly go to God on how I feel about something in someone’s life before haphazardly letting words slip from my lips. Our words hold weight. Whether you believe it or not, your words hold weight.

Beyond this, I want to share about how releasing your grip on something, in this case a potential relationship, often allows a promise to fall into place on the opposite end. Your release of something not meant for you is an act of faithfulness and obedience that plays a larger role in the fruition of another’s promise. Hang tight, I’ll explain everything…

Oh, how much the church loves Christ-centered relationships! The church loves Christ-centered relationships so much that we often prematurely jump in with words of excitement, affirmation, and encouragement to those who are entering the beginning stages of what could, one day, be a relationship without acknowledging the true weight that those words hold. How often have you affirmed something you’ve seen without first going to God about it?! Most likely your answer is, “oops… I did that unknowingly today…” While it might not seem like a big deal in the moment, it is– especially when you are someone whose words hold weight in another’s life. What do I mean?

God gives us wise counsel– leaders, close friends, and family. We often listen to these people intently and take the words, opinions, gut-reactions, and encouragement of this wise counsel to heart. Even with the most trusted and beloved counsel, however, never find yourself looking more towards their words than what God says or reveals. I firmly believe that God can and will use the people in your world to spur you on, but not everyone will know what God has for you at all times. I mean— no one will know what God has for you, except God. I think we live in a church culture today that gets passionate and excited about things, specifically those revolving around love and romance, and wants to press them into being— oftentimes before going to God in serious prayer on the matter.

I recently had an experience where I, unfortunately, was too swayed by my wise counsel rather than listening to what I knew God told me to be true in my heart.

I talked to this incredible man of God for a little bit off and on. It was so fresh and new, but everyone in my world spoke so much into it so quickly that I started to get blurred vision. Suddenly the praise, adoration, and excitement about the situation from the people I love so much began to confuse me. At first the jitters of the possibility of something kept me excited. But guess what, friends?! Getting to know someone as a possibility and potential is just that– there need not be more pressure than is necessary. Too many haphazard words in one direction at the start of something new can be volatile. As I navigated the start of pursuing this “possibility,” I frequently felt God tell me that it wasn’t for me. But JUST when I felt sure in my soul, another “word” would be spoken over my life or shared with me that would fight my already-made internal decision. I started to question if I was hearing God correctly. I started to wonder if my lack of being in a relationship before was keeping me from understanding, or if my fear of something new and different was toying with my emotions. Every time I felt this red flag go up inside of me, wise counsel in my world would say something entirely different. It made for an icky mess of hot and cold. It made for an icky mess of yes then no.

Did you know, in a backwards way, that saying no to someone, is actually releasing them to their future spouse— the ONE that God truly intended for them?

Relationships are two fold. Both can hold the other back from something. God needed me to let go of the picture that others created and helped build up in my mind, so that that man could truly know the woman that God had set aside especially for him.
I recently had a revelation over the phone with my mom that we play more of a pivotal role in this than we think… the ability for us to RELEASE and step away and believe what we feel in our heart to be true over that which our loved ones speak into our lives (just because they love us and want good things for us by the way) actually releases a true, set apart God promise to come to fruition and flourish. Someone’s wise, prayed-about “no,” is frequently the release of someone else’s “yes” (even if God has yet to reveal it).
I’ve recently had the opportunity to interact with and see the woman that God has shaped for this man previously mentioned, however, and wow. Wow— I’m glad I finally listened to God and released my hand and heart from the situation. I’m glad for every moment of wavering that told me to step away, because I see what God’s promise was for that man. I can’t speak for him, but I just know that God was trying to tell him to wait and to release what was between us as well. I’m not saying that me releasing was the only reason he ended up across from his promised-woman, but I am saying that me releasing was probably double confirmation of something he also felt that led him straight to the one worth waiting for.

Why am I sharing this?! Because we don’t share these awkward, messy life-lessons enough in the church, especially revolving around relationships. We press relationships because we want one another to find our God-fearing life companion and running partner. Something I’ve learned through it all, though, is to be very wary of my words and affirmations to others at the budding start of a relationship. The human heart and mind is fickle. We are easily swayed. We are easily moved by the words of another human even when we know to avidly and desperately seek the truth of our Father. No matter how strong of a relationship with the Lord we have, we are, unfortunately, still human.
I guess I write this for a few reasons:

1 Friends, be wary of the words you speak over others— even when you are saying it out of the utmost hope or goodness of heart, it could be detrimental. The Bible tells us throughout to guard our mouth and tongue. We often think of this in terms of not saying cruel things or unwise replies in conversations, but we don’t often take into consideration that we should guard our mouths in even the sweetest of conversations, too!

• Proverbs 15:23 TPT says, “Everyone enjoys giving great advice. But how delightful it is to say the right thing at the right time!”
• Proverbs 25:11 MSG says, “The right word at the right time is like a custom-made piece of jewelry.”
• Proverbs 15:28 NIV says, “The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil.” I’m not saying you’re wicked and gushing evil by any means [insert laughter here], but do you truly weigh the answers and words you speak?
• Proverbs 17:27 NIV says, “The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered.”

It’s not just what you say but when you say it that matters. Colossal good can come out of learning and making the conscious effort to speak the right words at the right time. Not only can we ask God for wisdom in the words we say to those around us, but we can ask Him for the right timing to deliver them! By the way, I know everyone who spoke into my life in this situation meant well. I will never hold anything against them for the frenzy it caused in my soul because I’m the one who let their words slip past my Father’s. I’m the one who did that. Still, though, I will now never say something to a friend on this matter unless I have heard or felt from God to do so. Sometimes, my desires for a friend to have something will sneak in, but I have to be so watchful of my words because I know how, as humans, we take too much to heart. We allow there to be weight in the words, opinions, and affirmations of others. We are fragile and impressionable humans. So… in the same vein,

3 You releasing your grip on something allows it to freely fall into the hands of whom it belongs. And that should be worth everything. There is power in obedience and faithfulness. God will lead you to your promise, too. Someone else in the world could be releasing their grip in order that it is free to fall into your hands. Who knows! His timing is perfect. The feelings He sends straight to the heart of who you are are to be revered above all else. Yes, He is the one who calls you to community and who planted wise counsel, leadership, and incredible peers in your life, but they bow to Him who is all-knowing, ever-faithful, Author and Perfecter. Your release and your no is an act of faithfulness. Your release and loosened-grip is obedience. Trust Him at His word and nudge. When I saw the woman this man found himself face-to-face with, I was floored. There is no doubt that it was a God-breathed promise. It makes me all the more confident in my release and all the more confident in my ability to discern God’s word over my life.

Only YOU know what God is speaking to your heart. Trust the people around you, but revere God above all.